The Most Important Virtue In Choosing A Spouse

In my last two articles, The Wedding Vow (I) and The Wedding Vow (II), I delved into the subject of the wedding vow very extensively and today's article seeks to consider the most important virtue to look out for when making the choice of a spouse.

Let's consider these couple of verses, "You are those who have remained and have stood by Me in my trials; and just as My Father has granted Me a Kingdom, I grant you [the privilege] that you may eat and drink at My table in My Kingdom, and you will sit on thrones judging the twelves tribes of Israel." (Jesus in Lk.22:28-30, AMP)

Suffering is a part of life. It is a necessary passage to the throne.

Sometimes, the only way around suffering is to go straight through it. And it is a lot easier when we have got atleast one person standing with us. And we won't be asking for too much if that one person is our spouse or would-be spouse.

Very recently, I had cause to look back at how far God has brought me. I remembered the dark days and the oh-not-so-good days! Thank God for grace, but much more, I've got my inner circle to thank too. We went through those times together and we're still together.

However, I've got news for you, 'Not everyone suffers well.' Suffering well is a virtue (grace) and not everybody has got this grace; only a selected few! Hence, the need to look well before you leap.

This may sound like the beginning of a marriage joke, but it's not. It's a legitimate question; one which should be explored by every courting couple.

Very few people consider this phrases in the wedding vow, 'For richer or poorer,' 'In Sickness and In Health.' My 'spiritual' brothers and sisters aren't even helping matters. They keep 'faithing' it and also try to push past these phrases like they are not real. Rather they channel all their energy and focus on petty things that don't matter.

Some live in denial- unable to confront the deep realities of life. Some live in despair- unable to recognize the meeting point of laughter and tears. Few, only a selected few, have the grace to suffer well. Those who do suffer well are a wellspring of life , hope and faith.

Tell me,

• Who do you want holding your hand when the test result reads, "Cancer?" Or how about those spiritual attacks (in the form of sicknesses) that medical science cannot detect let alone give a name?
• On whose shoulder do you want to lean when the doctors says, "we have done all we can?"
• With whom do you want to lie beside when you don't know where your child is OR if they will ever come home again?
• When your world turns upside down, in whose eyes do you want to look? Remember Adam and Eve? When they lost everything due to their sin of disobedience, Adam looked at his wife and called her, Eve (see Gen.3:20) interpreted 'Mother of all living.' By implication, we may have lost all but with you as a life giver by my side, we would survive. That's what I'm talking about.
• When the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, she may not be able to have a child.' Can your man be like an Elkanah that encouraged his Hannah in their childless years by saying, "am not I better to thee than ten sons?" (see 1 Sam.1:8). How soothing these words were to Hannah! Or perhaps, the man is the one who needs your support because he's got low sperm count or a biological issue?
• What happens when the source of income is no more or low? Can your would-be spouse adjust or is the anointing of Job's wife mighty on the person?

I'm a believer (by implication I've got faith to believe God for a rosy life) but sir, I'm a real woman. One that God has trusted with trouble and I'm telling you in black and white, 'If you must marry well, find someone who suffers well.' There is nothing that can be compared to the feeling of hurt and betrayal when you're down and low in life and the one who is supposed to be by your side is no where to be found. I think these feelings kill faster than the circumstance itself as sometimes, fighting alone seem difficult. These fair-weather friendship does not hold water, at all.

I know it doesn't seem important when life is smooth. A beautiful smile is far more attractive than a quiet and resilient determination. A common interest is far more appealing than internal strength. Yet when life falls apart, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from. You want someone who believes in you. You want someone who instills faith, not cause doubt. You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances. Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder.

Choosing a spouse who does not suffer well makes life harder. It makes every grief stronger. It makes every sorrow more painful. It makes every hurt deeper.

Yet,

When our [would-be] spouse knows how to suffer well, when they do not live in denial, but confront the sorrows of life, when they do not live in despair but know how to laugh and cry at the same time, when they can see the big picture of life,

Then,

Every grief is welded into hope, every sorrow is matched with love and every hurt is impaired with healing.

In trying to close this piece, I'd like to say that one of the greatest truths about life is that every person, every couple, will go through the route of suffering. Personally, when I see that my relationship is too rosy (actually, I have only being in one serious relationship before it ended but the lessons gleaned from this one relationship can last one a lifetime), I get very uncomfortable and ask God to shake it up like I did while in that relationship and God granted me my request! I'm not wicked. That's wisdom. Imbibe it. You cannot define a person's character when things are rosy. Circumstances reveals the true character of a person. See the revelation first before you make the decision.

Finally, while working to make our relationships and marriages better, let's also remember to also deepen our walk with God. When your relationship with the Father is intact, you will not need to sweat over your [marriage] relationship. On the other hand, if you're yet to meet Him (that is, you are not yet born-again or you want to rededicate your life to him), click here to meet Him: Meet My Oldest Boyfriend.

Remain blessed and on top!